Exclusive Interviews!

LG2N: welcome mr Jackson to the forum
JJ: ....
LG2N: mr jackson?
JJ: WHA?
LG2N:you asked if you could post here on gk
JJ: i know that,Larry
LG2N: Larry? anyway the floors open to you Mr jackson
JJ: Leonard will tell ya,he knows,talk to leonard
LG2N: Joe its just you and me,theres no Leonard here.
JJ: i know that Larry,Leonard tell Larry how it is
LG2N: okay....anyway why did you want to post on this forum rather than the other MJ realted ones?
JJ: well.......Larry,...Tito told me about a post involving Katherines pie,and im a big eater like Tito so here i am.
LG2N: and what about the golden side of the forum?
JJ: yeah i like that...you know Larry....i used to have maracahs the size of grapefruits,thats how Michael had such a sweet voice,i had extra pips
LG2N: oh right wh...(JJ iNTERUPTING)
JJ: when he was young i used to teach him how to blow rings and other stuff...
LG2N: i wouldnt know anything about that Mr jackson
JJ: .....what is this,why are being difficult Larry,...Leonard! Leonard! tell him about how you hid in Janets airvent for 2 weeks...
LG2N: what?
JJ: im here Larry promoting my dead sons cousins the jermajesty royal family like Leonard told you,what is this?!....Dileo called me Larry,and said his dildo was broken,how am i going to react,.....i raised him to be strong like me...if hes poking around liz taylor......im a grandfather Larry!!!!
LG2N: congratulations
LG2N: Lets wrap this up Joe
JJ: ive had Prince post my picture here to show myself here today...Larry, we are doing a tour next year with live dancers and me and Leonard wanted to get some fans to be in the show or help out backstage after the show....I get custody Larry! they have to stay in my room and help me relax,what godamn fans are they...they get a free pass for attending Larry
LG2N: thanks for your time Joe
JJ: ............(takes off headphones and mic) inaudible...its for the fans Larry...
JJ: (leaves room)

BALLS!

Its just great! Mega-super-hyper funny! It sounds soo real...
Poland-10 points!

LG2N:were now lucky to have our first chance to chat to one of the original jackson 5 members,Tito Jackson,how are you doing sir?
TJ: (INAUDIBLE)....
LG2N:you there Tito?
TJ:....sure,sorry i was finishing my dinner
LG2N: oh ok,but i thought it was morning where you are?
TJ:it is (chewing noises)
LG2N:what was your first memories of the Jackson 5 making it big?
TJ:....(slurp) ooo man,this takes me back i remember the guys went out shopping for fur coats while i stayed in washingtons food court,no one spotted me,i had chick peas with extra stuffing,potato salad because i was watching my weight and 2 buckets of chicken to go with extra fries...
LG2N:thats qu(TJ interupting)
TJ:then papa come looking for me,because i spent my monthly allowance in one day,he ripped my pants down and gave me 20 whacks on my bare bottom on the food court table.the guys were laughing but i deserved it.
LG2N:....when did you know MJ was gonna break out and be a big star?
TJ:(candy bar wrapper opening) when i went round to neverland in 88,he wasnt there he was on tour someplace,papa said you better get out of the house because i had just ate his steak that was bought for his 60th birthday so i was in his bad books,i arrived at mjs place and couldnt get enough of his fried chicken,the chef said that he never seen anyone so obscene,i asked him what that meant because he was french,i think it meant nice.
LG2N: what was your reaction to MJs hair catching on fire?
TJ: it sucked plain and simple,but i always look on the bright side,i told MJ that the hospital he was staying in had the best cream pudding known to man,he didnt take no notice and wanted to be left alone,but i knew what it was like from when i was checked in a few years earlier due to having my stomach pumped because i just eaten a whole roast hog that was meant for my parents anniversary dinner,Jackie said to me dont eat the ears and head but i thought about the message MJ was getting across about the starving kids and i thought why should i waste food right.
LG2N:how are your sons doing 3T,they had great success in the 90's?
TJ:sure there great kids,Taj is always being my limo driver whenever i want to out to KFC or Macs ,i need my privacy like MJ so i have my 3 park the limo up in a car park and they go around to different places getting what i want,you ever had a KFC zinger meal stuffed with a Dominos full meat pizza with a subway meatball sandwich mixed in?
LG2N: ...no never
TJ:in fact my first advice to my sons was theres money to be made in fast food,they had great voices but i knew the perils of being famous,so i wanted them to work a steady job at any fast food place close to home.
LG2N:what was or is MJs favourite food?
TJ:i hear he likes lentils and soups,i remember one time momma baked him a BAD tour celebration cake,he was arguing with Poppa over something,and the cake ended up getting tossed into the soil in the garden,Momma spent a lot of time baking that cake,so i didnt want her effort to be in vain,although i got a infection from the ants that had been on it.(pringles top opening)
LG2N:thank you and good luck on your upcoming tour
TJ: thank you ,im still looking for personal sponsors ,any of the fast food chains,delis,candy bar sponsors that type of thing.
TJ: (leaves room)

LG2N: welcome to our 3rd exclusive web chats on GK,Welcome Miss La Toya Jackson
LTJ:(whispering) thank you,first of all i want to thank the thousands of La Toya fans for making a website dedicated to me and trying to get my single christmas number one
LG2N:...so lets start with a tough question,your relationship with Mike has not always been great,can you tell us some details?
LTJ:(delicate whisper) it was Jacks fault and Poppas,Poppa said we had to be a family of entertainers but didnt give me the respect like he should of,he was always in jermaines room with the door locked,with the tv turned up really loud....one time Momma brought up tea and biscuits and i was watching,she entered the room and ran out screaming,whatever she seen in there wasnt for the faint hearted.
LG2N:what do you suppose went on in there?
LTJ: i dont know but i will tell you something...it smelt like two apes had been going at it!
LG2N:...moving on,you had a brief solo career
LTJ: brief???? ive just come from the studio today,ive recorded a selection of timeless classics which include 'papa dont preach' and my own versions including 'dad i hate you' and 'jack burn in hell' along with 'jackie dont touch me there' it should be out via my website soon or on la toya tunes for download.
LG2N:Do you get on with your sisters?rebbie andd janet?
LTJ: i love rebbie with all my wonderful heart,also there is no one in our family called janet.
LG2N:janet jackson is not part of your family?
LTJ: ohh you mean that trollop that stole my bride Jermaine,let me tell you a story about miss superbowl star,Jermaine Dupree phoned Heyvenhurst last week to see if anybody in the house knew where janet was,i was talking to him for over a minute,hes now mine,he agreed through dream thoughts i had to have 10 babies for me and give me a recording contract at universal,then what do i see on TMZ the vixen stole him back from me,well plans are afoot ive rehired Jack Gordon we have a cage and were coming for you Jermaine.
LG2N: wow thats heavy
LTJ:Did you know my playboy copy sold the most amount in history,hugh called me last week but i had to cancel because i was recording a new track called ' tito stop rubbing up against me'
LG2N:ok thanks for your time
LTJ:O THANK YOU everyone here for making me the top searched internet person of 2009,i love you all and will be touring next year at local malls
LTJ:(leaves room)

LG2N:here on GK we have a very important person to answer some hard hitting questions,so off we go..
LG2N:Dr Conrad Murray, Hello
CM:(jamaican accent) ello me man,me just been fidling wit me baby mamma
LG2N:are you serious?!
CM: course i am,we brothas an we take care of de bizness but u know we gotta flush de pineapple everyday
LG2N:you accent is very striking
CM:u know de funny fing,lata last week i wos in India visitin deepak,as soon as i wos there i wos yapping indian with da accent,bac in da uncle sam im speaking trinidad even tho im a jamaican blood bro,go figure my man!
LG2N:wow,crazy...anyway the most important question ive got to ask is(CM interupts)
CM:i know i know,what me mans goin to ask,let me tell you crackerjack,my baby mamma neva got noo phone call from tigger wood,i checked myself ,i asked her,i said tell me da troot...did Tigger eva text u,she sed no,only a few romps,but tiggers gotta eat rite plus me man hes a brotha like you.
LG2N:thanks i think...wheres MJ now?
CM:Me chatted to im this mornin,e sed to me dont tell da troot where i am,so i wont,but listen me man lizzy taylors attic isnt the only thang wit cobwebs,u hear
LG2N:so hes at Liz Taylors House?
CM:me dint say dat,but me giv u a clue check out whoo delivers her meals on wheels
LG2N:what went on on the 25th?it was crazy!
CM:Me just buggered chef kai,it was da mornin,MJ was da mad atter dat mornin,e threw hot coffee all ova me coz he wanted KFC and it was closed,so i went down stairs n told Prince to come with me coz i was scarred MJ wud beat me like Dileo does,we went on da landing an saw Lizzy Taylor puttin a DaveDave full bodysuit on,then bossman took off usin is jetpac throu da skylite,but i cant revael anythin me man,coz i signed an oath.
LG2N:what about the propofol?
CM:it was da birthday present to da 2 fairy men,randy and kenny,they just had there civil ceremony me wos a bridesmaid,lizzy was da priest
LG2N:oh so there....
CM:O YES me man,big ones,in fact we ad to wait at da church in trinidad for ova 3 hours late,dhey were gangbangin big stylee in da confession room,plus me man da boss Brotha Tito ate da whole weddin cake.
LG2N:ok were out of time,thank you Dr Murray
CM:me no Quack man,me call meself doctor to get jobs
CM:(leaves room)

Doc Murray cracked me up

whos next mooney?

LG2N:we are now with the Jacksons Spokesperson and member of the jackson 5,Jermaine Jackson welcome to club GK!
JJ:(in MJ tone) praise be to allah,may all the kingdom of the budda bless you and rain down bountiful greetings,mi kalb mercy mercy mercy (gets down on knees) for the children (bowing repeatedly) for the little children.....for the worlds children.....for Tito save him allah.
LG2N:wow thats quite a welcome thanks
JJ:nooo,thank you yourself,you are one of the worlds child bless you,bless you...
LG2N:ok hard hitting questions Jermaine,why didnt a doctor from the hospital announce MJs 'death' instead of you?
JJ:since 2002 MJ wanted me to carry on the legacy he left(out of nowhere he screams AAAHEEE HEE) ahem,so here i am sent by Allah the great so concur the heights that my brother couldnt,did you see my press conference in Vienna?
LG2N:...yes it was good,but did you know in some of the still shots you had a crown on your head and this angered a lot of MJ fans?
JJ:the crown was my idea for the kingdom of the royal Jermajesty family to which i am the king,the new king if you will,i sing pop music,'smile' was a good comeback song for me to choose,i chose it when i first heard about my brothers death.
LG2N:in a lot of fans eyes your trying to replace him
JJ:LISTEN i care about you child but dont push me Cracker,i mean gods child...
LG2N:what will your tour consist of next year?
JJ:well im glad you asked,apart from a few of the old hits that made the Jackson 4 great,were going to be having Joe joining up so we are the new and improved Jackson 5,hes been learning the dance steps in Vegas with Tito,i think hes doing well but he cant spin like he used to but he has a great voice,Titos actually falling behind(chuckles)
LG2N:will the tour include Mike?
JJ:of course my brother,praise be to you for asking such a stupid question,...we will be charging $100 for a mj pilliow at the merchandise stand,so he is on tour with us in a way.
LG2N:any plans for solo success?
JJ:Allah give me strength... ive just had the most downloaded song for 2009 'smile' im working on a film called 'smoother criminal' and a side project a charity called 'heal the universe'.
LG2N:ooo right,good luck with those
JJ:you think i cant dance(stands up)....(moonwalks across the room straight into wall) (ankle gives out crumbles into a heap).....
LG2N:Jermaine are you okay?!??
JJ:AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH you f@#in obsessed t@#=s,its broken!!!!!
LG2N:we should end this interview
JJ:dont you F#'kin dare ive waited 80 years for this chance (cracks bone back into place) AARRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
LG2N:....how do you get your hair so nice
JJ:i thought no one would ever ask that question,thank you,praise you brother,i use a natural chemical found in the bavarian mountains that is rich in potassium and fiber to strengthen and give a natural shine called Helmy.
LG2N:are you okay now after your fall?
JJ:i didnt fall,i tripped over my muslim ceremonial robe and the headscarf got wrapped round my legs,no biggee
LG2N:thanks for the interview,praise be to allah for you
JJ:hes not your god,leave him alone cracker,or vengeance will have no mercy on your wretched soul
LG2N:(speechless)
JJ:(storms out limping,....leaves room)

May Allah bless u Germaine LOOOO-O-O-O-OLLL

LG2N:welcome to a outsider if you will on the Jackson family,welcome Jermaine Dupree
JD:Bonjour petit pous
LG2N:are you french?i thought the Dupree was just a old family name?
JD:oui,(broken english) but ze family was around ze knights templars when there were burned at ze stake for being messengers from god back in ze 16th century,so ce la vie.
LG2N:wow heavy,anyway how did you meet Janet?
JD:ze was on ze moat paddling when ze got a telegram from ze king of Spain Carlos,ze said there was a damselle in distress in the kingdom of heyvenhurst,she climbed up ze tower that night,oh he haw.
LG2N:how was Mike when you first met him?
JD:(accent changes)he was a playa ya here,he just put down 2G on Chicken,so i knew rite there he was a mastblasta
LG2N:your accent?
JD:zit comes n goes,My mamma was ze high countess of burgundy,my Daddio was a gun slinging pill popper outta brooklyn,you all beta make way!
LG2N:what is the family like for a outsider looking in
JD:ze son has a weight problem,ze brothers make fun of him,ze dadda iz ze only sane one,ze mother runs a gentlemans club,one son iz missing,its the most complete family ze ever seen.
LG2N:thank you Mr Dupree
JD:(leaves room)

LG2N:Welcome to a controversial figure in MJs world,his friend Uri Gellar,welcome to GK!
UG:Salom,it is a real ,real treat! thank you to members here for taking part in this experiment.
LG2N:its a interview Uri
UG:You know.....(pauses) Matters of the mind exist in everybody....when i was a boy growing up in Israel our family had no water to drink....think about it......so i would put thought energy into making food appear in the fridge,i willed it to happen,and you know....when my mother came home that night,the fridge was full.
LG2N:did she go food shopping?
UG:maybe......but i put the thought of 'mother Uris starving to death' GET HOME NOW WITH FOOD in her mind thoughts.
LG2N:Wow....your most famous for your spoon bending how did this come about?
UG: actually...in 1982 the queen of england got in touch with me because her sterling silver was bending when she squeezed her tea bag on the side of her cup,she thought i had put my mind powers on her silverware..but to answer your question.......(pauses)i will go back if i may to when i was a small boy in Irasel,i had a vision.....one night a god of some kind said to me,he said 'Uri, what do you want to do in your life' i said 'spend spoons'.
LG2N:amazing story,how did you meet MJ
UG:actually...sorry to correct your good self,but he wanted to meet me,when he was with his brothers touring England in the late 70's,i had heard about the jackson 5 but didnt know that was his group,he came round to my house and was Fascinated totally fascinated with my powers,i told him......Michael your are going to be a star,michael,michael,michael,and i touched his head he fell back but i caught him with my hands and said 'ive just made you into the biggest star ever' he said'thanks'.
LG2N:did you fall out with him recently?
UG:......you know.....(pauses) he is my child,i raised him to be gods gift,i told him about a ship i was building to go to the moon,he wanted to go with me but i said Michael 'stop' 'stop' its only a one seater
LG2N:thanks for you time Uri
UG:(Vanishes into thin air)

I just can't read those interviews anymore...they cracking me up..i can't breathe.. oh myy can't stop laughing

LG2N:a very special guest tonight on GK web chat,welcome to MJs Nanny,miss grace rwaramba
GR:listen (african tone) be just not his nanny,but his lover,soul mate,and lady of the house,get it right or i will rip your eyeballs out!
LG2N:oh sorry,how did you get involved with Mike
GR:do you know him personally?NO! how dare you call him Mike,who is Mike? you address him the king of voodoo magic in the african provence of outer zanzibar from now on.
LG2N:oh ok i will call him voodoo king for short
GR:you know something whitebread,i know what you think ,you think are you going to get through this interview without me ripping your tongue out and using it as a cermonial african codpiece!
LG2N:.......
GR:i will go along with this shoddy interview but i will take your soul afterwards....
LG2N:....was you ever in love with voodoo king
GR:love what is that?you poor defenseless lower bushman,a bride in Africa pounces on its prey and devours them till they submit in 4 day ceremony called the rights of passage,upon the marriage on the 5th day i will swallow a huge amount of(LG2N interupts)
LG2N:im sorry this is a family forum to a degree
GR:such a pitiful specimen
LG2N:there is rumours you once used to wait for Voodoo in his bedroom,are these true
GR:of course,the lion needs its prey,he strings me up onto a african torture rack while we conduct the ritual
LG2N:i thought Mike fired you before you was rehired?
GR:.....HOW can he fire me,i wasnt working for him,we were adjoined in a tribal ceremony,i was on vacation back to my homeland if you must know you disgusting little worm,when im finished with you im gonna carves you up with my spears and serve you in a large pot with your (censored) stuffed firmly in your mouth as a seasoner!
LG2N:thank you Grace
GR:(in a trance).....[

LG2N:welcome the co director of This Is It,Mr Kenny Ortega,welcome to GK!
KO:how nice...if i could hug you i would.
LG2N:...how did you get the job of directing Mike in the upcoming concerts?
KO:well the film was set for release in november so we had to get scenes completed before then....(stops pauses,scratches head) i mean the concert was set for july so we had to Get HD aspects right while filming thriller 2 with Zac Efron,no wait forget everything ive just said.
LG2N:your twitter account is very unusual for leaving clues for MJ fans,whats going on there?
KO:what i cant say how i feel without persercution,i block anyone who calls my gender in question!
LG2N:kenny ,relax,i was simply implying hidden alive clues in your posts
KO:i cant help it if he makes me feel so alive,so liberated,so free,that sunset 2 weeks ago in his the back of his chevvy(stops) ...i mean fans shouldnt read to much into them.
LG2N:when did production stop exactly on the film?
KO:well were still finalising the dvd extras so filming continues with..erm i meant the lightman features,my good close friend Tony O'Yesse,who i put in personal charge of my trailer during making of the film provivded me with inspiration,we filmed the funeral scenes in HD infact if you look closely up at the ...(stops,thinks out loud)' who should i say was in the dome above the funeral if not MJ'.... erm sorry to get back at what you asked yes im enjoying filming Zac Efron again greatly.
LG2N:was does L.O.V.E. stand for?
KO: it stands for the fact that 2 men in different stages on their life can come together as one and keep the meetings a secret to the outside world(has a memory blackout) is this G.A.Y. 2 DAY magazine interview?
LG2N:no Kenny its GK asking about mike?
KO:of course,how are you doing this fine morning?
LG2N:kenny,the interview started ten minutes ago!?
KO:...you see ive been on every talk show so it gets a little much,understand
LG2N:o yes,no problem,what scene was you most proud of in TII?
KO:it has to be the finale doesnt it,the fact that it was hid from the world for so long to comeback how he did dressed as jesus christ,was just the icing on the cake
LG2N:....?
KO:oh sorry,thats a new movie im making with Zac and Tony,its a scene from Guys And Dolls 2,still under development.
LG2N:there is talk of a sequel,is this possible?
KO:yes when Frank hired me on the 24th i was in the room with the dummy, the make up was incredible,in fact i said to Tony you better dress like that when we...(stops)....ermmm no how can there be,only extras on the dvd.
LG2N:what date was you first hired to go on tour to London?
KO: (gets pocket calendar out of pocket) (whispering)...march 10 meet fernando.....april 12th TOY 1 year anniversary.... april 13th cheat on TOY.....april 14th cheat on cheat with Z.E......erm wait its may 1st hired by Grace.
LG2N:Thanks for the interview Kenny O!
KO:(hissy fit) who told you my nickname,Manly, was it Manly,tell me!(sobbing) i thought he was my back street guy,this interviews over!
KO:(runs from room,sobbing)

LG2N:welcome to a true legend in the film world and MJs best friend,Miss Liz Taylor
LT:i say you there flaky,my name isnt Liz,please address me accordingly!
LG2N:oh im so sorry Mrs Elizabeth Taylor
LT:Wrong! i was stopped being called Mrs when that oddball got a divorce from me,yeah straight my ass!...anyway this interview will not take place until you get it right!
LG2N:....?Miss Elizabeth Taylor..welcome to GK!
ET:Wrong! Flaky,i say ,i say Clarence you there start the car up im out of here(speaks off microphone)
LG2N:Dame Elizabeth Taylor?
ET:Yes,my dear?
LG2N:how did you become Michaels Best friend
ET:in 1850 when i was a young girl i met a fellow who had contacts in Gary Indiana,we exchanged letters of correspondence for a few years until he said you should really meet this new family that has moved into the area,there musical, there going to be big stars my dear,so it was i who discovered them!
LG2N:I thought Diana Ross claimed to have discovered them?
ET:your getting very confused my dear!
LG2N:what do you think of the rest of michaels family?
ET: they have no talent whatsoever,apart from the older son who seems to be doing well in nationwide eating contests.
LG2N:Did Michael plan this death hoax?
ET:no dear,it was my idea for him to get away from that family of his,they were suffocating him,taking money off him,signing contracts for him,ruling his life.
LG2N:i see,so the brothers and Joe were secretly only in it for themselves.
ET:i dont know about them,im talking about his current family.
LG2N:........
ET:crocadile tears my dear,plastic dolls,get a freakin hair cut i say......(cuts off)(Clarence start the car i will be 5 minutes)
LG2N:thats astounding,i cant believe it
ET:im the only one who understands the pressures my dear, i said to him drop them in a nanny day care center for a few years,go to dubai like we had planned to marriage and then onto the castle in Romania,anyway its the way modern society operates.
LG2N:what are his plans?
ET:well i asked him to carry a hit out on David,but you know Michael,all kindness and giving.
LG2N:how are you doing generally Miss Dame Elizabeth?
ET:cant complain darling.....Stephen Hawking thinks hes got the best wheels around,well check out these babys,16 inch titanium,ultra loobed,..anyway cant stop,tonight im hosting a private party at my residence for Conrads escape to Brazil..(car pulls up)
LG2N:thank you for the interview
ET:just make sure you deposit the 2 million in my account by close of business today
ET:(leaves room)

LG2N: Welcome to the website that broke the news before anyone else on the 'death' of MJ,welcome TMZ, Harvey And Mike.
H:why thanks,you know we do these webchats everyweek from our office in LA,but this has got to be a first time weve conducted one with a MJ website.
M:yeah,thanks and what about Tom Cruise declaring war on Will Smith's Son,Dont go there girlfriend!
LG2N:?
H:?
LG2N:who told you guys about what was going on ,on the 25th june 2009?
H:although we cant reveal our source to GK,we will say that a member of our staff and a jackson family member are good friends and do hang out at nationwide events involving stuffing as much food in their yaps as humanly possible.
M:(blushes)
LG2N:have TMZ been leaving clues for the fans,are you the brickman?
H:i really dont know how to answer your question,how,why would we,wouldnt this require a contract in place between the...anyway maybe Mike knows more about leaving Bricks,hey Mike(laughs)
M:(angered,blushes).....you said you wouldnt tell,ITS NOT MY FAULT IF i wasnt potty trained till i was 14....i want to say something to GK!
LG2N:go ahead Mike???
M:Michael Jackson Is So Absoulute Living Interesting Version Everyday
LG2N:okay....thanks?!?
H:(glaring at Mike)...........
LG2N:whats the most amazing piece of gossip youve both ever heard reported on your site?
H:well apart from MJ and Tiger Woods,i would say its that Mike had a 32 WAIST,when we all know at the TMZ office that he walks around with his belt unbuckled,more like a balloon 54 waist,i know he shops for his clothes at that special place in the mall because once he left a big price tag on his ass,special price $3.99 sale because they had a rip on the knee.
LG2N:ouch....(stares at Mike)
M:(face beetroot red)...........
LG2N:what about you Mike?
M: I would say....(glaring at Harvey) Michael Jackson appearing on our live chat with a afro and nobody noticing(smug look)
LG2N:wow will have to check that one out again,thanks Mike
LG2N:what is in store for TMZs future Harvey,im asking you this question because your the boss?
H:(glaring at Mike)(gritting teeth) i can see big shake ups in the future,a HUGE firing!!!!!! taking a big dope to court,taking possesion of his rented apartment in the gay side of hollywood,that sort of thing.
M:if i could answer that question aswell,.....i can see a total unknown blowing this MJ case wide open with documents he stole from Harveys office.
LG2N:WOW that heavy.TMZ predictions usually come true,so we will be looking out for them,thanks guys
H:let me just say IF this happens,not only will this person be a total liar but when i get through with him his fat ass will look like OJs bumhole on a bad day!
M:(looks down at floor,wipes a tear from eye)...
H:(leaves room)
M:.......................................(leaves room)

Ohhh Harvey, how could u......... ..................................

LG2N:now on GK we have MR joe Jackson back and MJs former manager Leonard Rowe,welcome both of you!
LR:let me say thank you,thank you for giving us a chance to speak to the people,and not telling us to shove it!
LG2N:welcome back Joe
JJ:........
LR:if i may speak for Mr Jackson,he says thank you.
LG2N:when did MJ decide to remove you from his plans mr Rowe?
LR:let me speak on this if i may,he never chose to,he never wanted to,he never believed he could do.
LG2N:what about you Joe?
JJ:....what leonard says is his truth....i raised him Larry.....we decided to have more kids like Katherine wanted to....she presured me Larry.
LG2N:Leonard did you ever receive MJs leter of termination?
LR:of course i did it came by fed ex within the hour,we are punctual in business,just like he wanted,but he was ill,i could of done the moves he done! infact thats one of the reasons why i was hired by AEG as a body double
JJ:...you know........Leonard was teaching Michael things......he couldnt do...at one stage we got jermaine to give him singing lessons just so the fans wouldnt be dissapointed...we got to him in time....
LR:let me say Michael wasnt fit to do 10 shows,2 show,200 shows or 1 hour,the person you see on stage is a impersonator of Michael,it was Jackie dressed up!in fact we pleaded with Michael to drop some weight
LG2N:drop some weight???
JJ:ill speak Leonard.....when Michael was growing up with his brothers he used to eat whole roast dinners he would cook himself,Katherine would watch in amazement as he clear the table in one sitting and be back for seconds then he would go to his room and play his bass....he was a good kid larry...
LR:exactly Joe,he was at least 400 pounds when we met a few months ago,i said to him by god ,you look horrible,your face looks like your a 70 yr old,so he went on a strict diet and changed his name to jesse to avoid being seen in the public.
LG2N:are you sure you wasnt confussing matters with Rev Jesse Jackson?
JJ:.........????
LR:.......i.....iiiiii.......we need to go Joe
JJ:..hahahahaaaaa.......
(both leave room)

LG2N:welcome to our newest interview for GK ,welcome to a film Legend and at one time MJs best friend,Macauley Culkin,welcome!
MC:WWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LG2N:(jumps out of his skin)......!!!!
MC:you guys give up or you ready for more?
LG2N:....o i see your doing lines from Home Alone,such a classic
MC:you got any smokes?
LG2N:no sorry i dont smoke
MC:no matter i'll role some weed while chattin
LG2N:ok,so what are you working on at the moment?
MC:im directing and producing and staring in Home Alone 10 (lost in afganistan),it stars me as Kevin again ,in the script the Mcalister family leave 40 year old Kevin home alone again so he decides to go to Afganistan to teach them a lesson and becomes drinking buddies with Bin Laden,currently im trying to get Chris Rock to Play Bin Laden because they have similar accents.
LG2N:wow it sounds good,,,but is the world ready for another one?
MC:i think so,Joe Pesci is back on board but this time i team up with him and torture my family,we are tring to get a PG rating but censors have said it will probably be 21+adult because of the Mcallister parents sex scenes.
LG2N:....
MC:you know in the originals i ordered cheese pizzas and done the shopping by myself,well in the updated version i visit crack houses,whore shops,and drug dens so i dont want to leave anyone out.
LG2N:WOW
MC:and this time i get to fire a real tommy gun,but in fact its a uzi!
LG2N:you made legal history when you divorced your parents,how did that come about?
MC:when i was playing Richie Rich by the way i wasnt acting that was actually my house and my servants but it was being filmed,i wanted to call it MACS REAL LIFE but my parents objected the title and so i had them removed from the premises and locked up in a cage for 2 weeks where they were given ice cold water hoses thrown on them,but i think they got a fair share of proceeds from my lawyers,they were given picture rights where they could see one of my films once a year!
LG2N:thats nice...how was your relationship with Michael then and now?
MC:theres a scene in Home Alone where i snuck him in and nobody knew,you know the bit where my mum is travelling back with the band and John Candy,well hes the trumpet player in full makeup and shades,he enjoyed it,but complained about JC crushing him and the odor in the truck,but hes a trooper.
LG2N:there was rumours about how you and MJ used to leave hotel rooms you stayed in,and the origins of your nickname you aquired,can you shed any light on these?
MC:sure....MJs applehead or should i say Apple..looking HEAD,And doodoohead because i used to spread filth all over the hotel bed sheets,but the owners understood when MJ bought the hotel with the change in his pocket.
LG2N:black and white was a great video
MC:It was,to ready for my rap i had to have hormone injections into my nads but by the end of it i was crooning like Barry White
LG2N:what wa(MC interupts)
MC:WWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LG2N:.....christ! what?
MC:o sorry my vocal coach says i should stay in character sometimes
LG2N:have you met Mjs kids,what do you think of them?
MC:there sweet kids,they remind me of me 2 years ago,and ive already put an offer to Blanket about being cast as Zorro but he turned it down saying he doesnt want to be type cast
LG2N:thank you Mac for the interview,one last question why did you get left home alone in the first place?
MC:i think it was something like they overslept and forgot about me,but in the directors cut they left me behind because i was plain and simple a little puke,who stole,swore,kicked,spit,his way into our hearts never to be forgotten......plus i was having a off screen affair with the snow sweepers little niece,politics man!
MC:(leaves room)

LG2N:welcome Jacksons! to the 2nd part of your famous twitter Q n A ,and for giving it exclusive to GK,in this int we will be asking some of the questions that got missed off twitter,so here we go...
LG2N:why are you Jermaine so Jealous of Mikes Success?
JJ:listen,I have,I mean we have just come off the greatest tv show ever created,we are answering these questions for the fans of the jacksons ,I made Michael into what he is by giving him duties to sing 2nd lead in the group,didnt you see the interview Poppa gave he said i was best!
LG2N:im just asking what most fans think Jermaine
JJ:im not a perfect man but if they were buliding a human being made from body parts and features and interlect they would build a model closely resebling me.
TJ:(Whispering...maybe not the wig)
JJ:WHHHHHAAATTTTT DID YOU SAY,YOU TUB OF LARD!!!
TJ:nothing brother calm down!
JJ:(bubbling,eyes streaming) I SACRIFICED MYSELF AT MOTOWN (sobbing) ...I HAD TO BE BERRYS LITTLE BITCH,I HAD TO FREAK HIM AT NIGHT....NOW LETS GET SERIOUS!(screaming)!!!!!!!!
MJ:calm down Jermaine we didnt know what Berry did to you!
JJ:(sobbing)....
JkJ:I Think its time for a group hug guys!
LG2N:....?but weve only just started?
(The foursome hug for 3 minutes).....
LG2N:OK.....Jermaine how do you keep your hair so shiny and nice
JJ:WWWHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT IS THIS A FKIN WITCH HUNT(screaming)
TJ:sit down Jermaine
JJ:NO...I WONT SIT DOWN...TEEETTTOOOOOOOO,....why dont you ask what tito keeps under his bowler hat instead of hounding me with questions brother(calming down)
TJ:(rough accent) i dont mind showing,there you go a packet of fudge,happy
JJ:(crying again) WELLLLLL,....JUST BECAUSE IM THE LEADER,PEOPLE DONT HAVE A RIGHT TO PICK ME APART!!
JkJ:what my brother means is weve just come off a grueling TV hit series so we need our rest after this interview
JJ:WHAT!! jackie what are you talking about you know ive booked you 3 too support me on my nationwide tour
JkJ:?????????
JJ:(screaming)000000 I GET IT ,BABY BOY HAS 40 YEARS OF SUCCESS,BUT THE TALENTED ONE HAS TO BEG OF HIS FAMILY(crying again)......
MJ:ok,ok,we will be there on the nationwide tour
JJ:.....thank you Marlon....and im sorry about putting out those stories that you are fruity
MJ:(JUMPS UP,KNOCKS TABLE OVER,GRABS JERMAINE BY THE NECK)
MJ:(screaming) I'LL FREAKIN KILL YOU,YOU ROBE WEARING....
(Tito and Jackie break it up,followed by another session of crying and group hugs).....
LG2N:if we can get back to the questions....
JkJ:please continue
LG2N:why have the family cashed in on the back of Michael?
(Tito glares at Jermaine)
JJ: im going to answer calmly over this,so bare with be brother.....the jackson 5 was here before Michael Jackson,also (sings) LETS GET SERIOUS..(chuckles) we cant all be playing the bongos and have little talent
TJ:was that directed at me!
JJ:no brother im just saying
JkJ:calm down guys
TJ:ok ok
LG2N:why wasnt Randy part of this????
JJ:he was never part of the original Jackson 5,so why should he be part of this!
LG2N:because its called the JACKSONS family dynasty!?
JJ:....Yeah but hes adopted
TJ:(Stunned)
JkJ:........
MJ:what Jermaine????
JJ:popa said to me Jermaine your the only one i trust,Randy isnt part of the family neither is Michael.
LG2N:didnt he just say that because he favoured you and your brothers???
JJ:noooo,he knew i was the bread winner of the family,someones gonna have to look after Tito,and the dancers
JkJ:who you calling a dancer man im a musician
JJ:sure you are jackie,but (sings) LETS GET SERIOUS....
TJ:im gonna punk you out Jermaine
JJ:AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH,DONT TOUCH THE FACE TTTTEEEETTTTTOOOOOOO
(webchat breaks off to the sound of crashing noises)

LG2N:welcome back to the exclusive GK web chats,today we have Michaels on off manager...Mr Tohme Tohme,welcome
TT:(slow romanian tone) welcome young blood....
LG2N:did i say your name correctly?its a unusual name.
TT:...well...the name originally dates back to the old country..the Tohme's were travelling peasants who aquired a magical orb that could hurt the spirits of all things evil..to answer you question thats where i took my name from and their souls
LG2N:its a funny name,it sounds like 'to me ,to me',may i ask your middle name?
TT:my middle name is not important..but i also go under other names such as the prince of darkness,Drac,the grand master,bloodsucker,leach, and hugable sweetcakes.
LG2N:where are you from?your accent is hard to place
TT:im from a small romanian village,where i spend my days convalescing until ...I AWAKE FROM MY SLUMBER WHEN THE MOON TURNS ...RED..HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
LG2N:shi...what,dont hurt me!i have a wife and no kids!
TT:ahem...please excuse myself,i get slightly carried away when the conversation turns...
LG2N:okay...how did you get involved with Mr Jackson?
TT:i saw Mr Jackson in the village one evening.he was there doing a promotional tour..not before long he took a wrong turn and ended up at my castle..he was given lodgings for the night while his followers were dealt with...by morning he was under my spell...ahem management.
LG2N:whats the beef between you and Dileo?
TT:there is no beef so to speak,but a misunderstanding of who rightly owns the soul ...property of the francise,i don't want money but the fresh necks of the unholy..ahem i mean a few trainees to show the ropes of my...company!
LG2N:a lot of MJ fanatics and normal fans think you are responsible for misleading him over the recent years,any comment?
TT:i was simply showing him the way to go,and not to keep giving...BUT TAKING..TAKING..TAAAAKKKKKKKIIINNNGGG,AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
LG2N:...please,ive got money,i can write you a cheque now for 10 dollars,dont hurt me!!
TT:...i will be back young blood in the twilight hours of the new moon
LG2N:talking of new moon,have you seen the latest flick at the cinema?
TT:aahhh,chit chat of the common man,yes i have seen it and twilight aswell,that Robert is a dish isnt he?
LG2N:yes he is,i like it when he...anyway moving on if i can ask you one last question?
TT:agreed..but make haste...i can see the dawn of the new morning upon me
LG2N:We had documents showing you were from lybia,egypt,but they deny all knowledge of your existence even your passport photograph?
TT:yes we had problem with the mirrors
LG2N:ok then thanks for the int...
TT:i can sense your uneasyness,it will wait ,i will be back to suckle on ...YOUR NECK!!!!(poof)(turns into a bat ,flys off)